I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
