But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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