There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
