Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
