Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
