yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
