Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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