i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
