it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your cock deserves a montage
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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