the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
