i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
