I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
