at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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