My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
