i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
