I just saw a hot homeless man
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
