We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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