Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
