Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
