Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
