Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
