I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
