Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
