she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
