Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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