we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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