I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
