Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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