sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
