Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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