i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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