it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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