My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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