I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
