Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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