She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
