Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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