3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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