hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize