you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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