Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
