dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
