Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
