Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
