Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Send help, water and tortillas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
