I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
