A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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