Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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