I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
