remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
