I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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