Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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